Of bras and radiator fluid

Yesterday we wound up making an emergency trip to Portland. Danny's in his final term of graduate school; this term consists of participating in a final design project. He's designing and making calculations for a footbridge from the main U of O campus to the buildings along the Millrace, something I would have loved when I was a student, lugging a large format camera, tripod, portfolio bag, and shoulder bag well after dark, in the rain.

Anyway, he needed bridge codes and the Norwich University librarian did some checking around. The only college with a copy was Portland University. An interlibrary loan would have taken eight weeks, the library was closed on Saturday...thus the emergency Friday afternoon trip.

All is well, Danny got the codes (which are contained in a six-inch bider that isn't quite large enough), and we had time on our hands before meeting up with Danny's brother and his family. I had planned on shopping for a few items, so we headed for the Clackamas Town Center's Nordstrom.

See, I wanted to find a bra. I had a fairly concrete idea of what I wanted, brand, color, and size, and it's a tough brand to find in Eugene. I was delighted to find that a.) Nordstrom carried exactly what I was looking for, and b.) it fit the way I wanted.

Very happy. But that's when the inquisition began.

"How do you wash your bras?" The salesgirl asked as I handed her my card.

I hesitated. First, not many people ask me how I do laundry, and they're probably smart that way. Inviting a discussion about laundry techniques is to invite a longer conversation. I was raised in a family that takes laundry pretty seriously. Laundry and stain removal. And I love clothes, so it makes sense that I obsess a little over such things, because there's nothing I hate more than losing a perfectly good garment to a badly performed washing.

I had to be prompted. "Cold water?" She asked.

I nodded. "Cold water. I fasten everything together."

"Do you have a lingerie bag?"

I feel guilt. I don't. I've been meaning too, but haven't gotten around to it. I consent to purchasing one.

But she's not done. "What detergent do you use?

This is a more complicated question than she realizes. I generalize. "I use Tide Total Care."

(Note: I have used Tide Total Care since the second they claimed it prevented pilling. I hate pilling like no other, and frankly I don't care much about the other six signs of beautiful clothes, I just don't want things to pill.)

"Oh, you should never use Tide. Too sudsy," she said. I may as well have said that I wash my clothes with motor oil.

At this point, I feel like my laundry skills are the subject of criticism, so I disclose a portion of my laundry dark secret. "I also have Woolite for colors."

(Note: This is hedging. Big time. I technically have three laundry detergents. Three. There's the Tide Total Care that I use for linens and pill-prone garments, but there's also the Woolite for colors for brights, and Woolite for darks. In my defense, Martha Stewart told me to use the Woolite for darks on jeans, because it's the one detergent that doesn't contain red-based brighteners that make the jeans fade and appear lighter. I hate fading jeans almost as much as I hate pilling.

In addition to my three detergents, I have liquid fabric softener without dye and fabric softener sheets. And powdered Biz. And Shout. But the salesgirl doesn't need to know this.)

"Oh no, Woolite's very sudsy too."

I know where this is going. She wants me to buy the Nordstrom brand lingerie wash. She makes her pitch.

Now, I can buy into a decently made lingerie bag. Truly, I can. You'll use it over and over for several years. Lingerie wash, though, has a more finite lifespan, and I really can't justify buying such a thing from a department store when I'm quite certain there has to be SOMETHING by SOMEONE that isn't (oh horrors) "sudsy."

And yes, I weasel this out of her. "Something from the grocery store by Arm & Hammer is fine too."

Aha.

"And you let them hang dry?"

I tell her I wouldn't think of doing otherwise. This is not a lie. She tells me they've recorded my name and bra size into the system. I nod, not sure I feel about having such things on record. You never know what's going to end up in your FBI file.

I finally pay and leave, getting the slight feeling that the sales crew does not quite trust me with the care and keeping of this bra. That's their problem.

We walked back to the car and I mulled the bra experience over in my head. The more I mulled, the more I felt like I'd just gone in to get an oil change and been told I desperately needed a new filter and new ____ fluid and my ____ changed and if I didn't it was likely my car my explode.

See, I'm not opposed to taking good care of my garments. I think I've demonstrated that. But at a certain point...seriously? For a $38 bra? If this were a $100-something Aubade bra, sure, throw in the specialty wash and a glass case for when it's not being worn. But really? A $38 bra?

Am I going to look for Arm & Hammer detergent next time at the store?

I decline to answer that question.

Holiday Shopping, Part II

I really love finding gifts for people. Gifting tends to be one of my love languages. I don't usually gift other than Christmas and birthdays, but when I do, a LOT of thought goes in to it.

The kinds of gifts I give vary per person, but the response I'm after is always the same - lit eyes, a smile, interest. I've had my hits and misses, but I always like to try.

For example, we gave my nephew potatoes for Christmas last year. Yes, we got him books too, but when he and I had talked earlier (he was eight at the time), he told me he wanted potatoes. So I gave him potatoes in a gift sack, with ribbon tied around each potato. He sat there, on my in-laws' couch, and proceeded to take the ribbon off each one. It still makes me happy thinking about it.

Finding Christmas gifts, though, can be overwhelming. So here are some thoughts from me about keeping life as (relatively) simple as possible during the holiday season...

1. Make a list of everyone you're giving to. Write what you're giving - or thinking about giving - to that person next to each name. Save this list for next year. Sure, you'll remember some of these gifts, but I never remember what color of earrings I've already made for my sister, and I hate asking. Keeping a master list of the finals solves everything.

2. Keep your recipient in mind. You might think something's the greatest item ever, but if your gift-ee doesn't think so, it's not a good gift. And don't choose just because you want to borrow it later. Make sure it's something the recipient will actually like.

3. Consider a theme. Two years ago, I knit hats for my brothers-in-law and nephew, and hat and scarf sets for my sister and niece (in case you're wondering why my own brother didn't get a hat, it was because he was going to Africa in a matter of weeks, and a woolen cap didn't seem all that practical. Oh, and Danny already had a hat). Last year with the book I scaled back and we did a book Christmas for most everyone. It was really handy, because we did the bulk of our shopping on Amazon and Half.com. More on bargain shopping in a bit...

4. Shop year-round. Okay, saying that in November this isn't so practical, but Christmas will return next year. Generally, I'm too tired from the holidays to consider shopping until later, but one of these years I'll actually buy yarn and knit far ahead of time.

5. Shop online - the deals are there. We found really great products for great deals the year we did our book Christmas. And last year, I found superwash merino yarn for Danny's (as yet unfinished) sweater online at a really great price. The rule to online Christmas shopping is to do it early. We had a close call last year for one item, which almost didn't arrive on time. It was stressful!

When buying books, DVDs, CDs, that sort of thing online, condition is everything. I'm all for finding good deals, but for a gift, don't buy used. It's like pulling a book off your shelf and wrapping it. A dinged, cracked case or dented cover sends the wrong message. Visible dust is a no-no. I have no issue with remainder marks on books (black marker line on the top or bottom of the pages), since you can buy books new from bookstores like that.

If you buy a book that's marked new by the seller and it arrives obviously not new (and I've had this happen a couple times), by all means notify the seller. Most of the time they're horrified and send you another, gratis. This is another reason to order early, so you've got all the time in the world.

6. Speaking of damaged goods, re-gift with care. Anything you re-gift shouldn't look re-gifted. And if you're re-gifting, it should be the kind of thing you'd give the recipient anyway. Obviously, this does not hold true for White Elephant Gifts, which are my favorite way to discard odd gifts with style. Just try to take things that could potentially be enjoyed by someone at the party. This is why you invite people with a sense of humor...

7. Try to finish all of your shopping at least two weeks before Christmas. I'm not saying that to make people's lives harder, it's just that entering into places of retail in those last two weeks is like stepping into the Fire Swamp. On purpose. The crowds, the lines, the lack of parking, why do that to yourself?? Also, stores get picked over at this point.

8. Shop TJ Maxx, Ross, and Marshall's. Again, the deals are there. This kind of shopping you have to do with an open mind. What I like about these stores is that you can find really nice, high quality items marked way down. Cashmere is suddenly affordable (TJ stocks a lot of cashmere in the winter, btw). These stores get VERY picked over in the weeks before Christmas, so hit them early. Look for leather gloves, scarves, glassware, bath and spa items, hats, blankets, runners - walk through the whole store, you don't know where a good find is hiding. Check Costco, too, for books, clothes, and food gifts.

9. Rules for happy shopping still apply, especially if you have children with you! Make sure everyone goes potty/ gets a diaper change before you leave. Stay hydrated, bring snacks. You might opt for stores with easily accessible public restrooms.

10. If you're shopping alone, and you hate lines, you might try my sanity trick - take a library book in your purse. Library book, because you're clearly not shoplifting. Having something to do in line can make all the difference! You may look a little nutters, but at least you're happy by the time you reach the register.

A note on After Christmas Sales:

1. Case the joint ahead of time. This is a particularly good idea for stores like Target.

2. Only buy items if they're truly a good deal. Honestly, this is the only time I buy Christmas decorations.

3. This is also a good time to stock up on gift wrap, gift bags, gift tags, ribbon that sort of thing.

And most importantly -

4. Store all of your After Christmas Sale Loot in one place, near your Christmas stuff. If you can't find it come December next year, that's kind of sad.

Not that it has anything to do with shopping, but I'm also intending to wrap as I go this year. Last year's last-minute wrapping was almost as much fun as invasive dentistry. If you're buying items one at a time, you might consider wrapping them immediately afterward.

My gift shopping starts tomorrow. Now I have to decide when the Christmas music is coming out...

Holiday Shopping, Part I

The holidays approacheth. With them, a lot of shopping for all sorts of reasons.

There's shopping for yourself, preparing for holiday events - you may have realized your formal wear has seen better days, or your warm sweaters looking the worse for wear.

There's shopping for others in the way of Christmas gifts. There's also grocery shopping...but I don't like to talk about that.

Part I is going to focus on shopping for yourself. I've had a few conversations over the last few months involving shopping, and hearing from women who hate to shop.

Now, I love shopping. Sometimes. Sometimes, it's stressful. Driving from store to store, trying on things that don't fit, putting out a lot of effort for no return. But there are things you can do to prevent the stressful from happening...

Happy Tips for Successful Shopping:

In stores:

1. If you're going out to stores, plan ahead the ones you're going to visit. If they have websites, you might take a few moments to get an idea for what they have in stock. Look at the styles, the prices, what they offer. If you find something on the website that you like, call the store to see if they actually have it before you drive out. You'll probably have read them the item number, but it beats driving all the way there and striking out.

2. When picking out clothes to try on, always grab items in multiple sizes. I read recently that there can be as much as an 8-inch difference in the waist of the same size of pants. The tag means nothing, so start with your usual size and consider grabbing both one size up and one size down. That way, you can keep trying on clothes without having to get dressed, hunt for the other size, and find your room taken/clothes put away when you get back. Sure, in smaller stores the sales girls will run and fetch for you, but start off prepared and everyone runs around less. Also, the sales girls will go AWOL on occasion.

3. When trying on clothes, start with the largest size and move down. I say this for a few reasons. First, larger items are easier to get off if they don't work. Second, it's a lot kinder to your ego to swim in your clothes, then size down until something fits you perfectly. Remember, size tags are just a number.

4. Look for clothes that aren't exactly like the ones in your closet. If you have a lot of red, try orange. Realize that if you like a garment, it might be because you already own something similar. Don't buy repeat garments unless you're planning on replacing/retiring the one you already have (I say "retire" because I have a white sweater that I wore on our first date, and while it's too short in the torso and sleeves, I can't bear to truly part with it!).

5. Keep the time of year in mind. Now is not the time to look for a swimsuit in a store. However, evening wear is everywhere, and if you're a tough fit or have something specific in mind, this is the time to look. If you're feeling thrifty or like to plan ahead, remember that a lot of the evening wear stock will go on sale in January and February.

6. When purchasing something to wear during the holiday season, don't pick something too Christmas-y. Look for something that can be comfortable worn for events from November through February. There's no use spending the money if you can only wear a garment one month out of the year. Look for details that make things special - beading, chiffon ruffles, satin trims.

7. Purchase clothes that fit you now. If you're planning on losing weight, fine, just have the garment taken in later.

8. Be kind to yourself. Use the bathroom before you leave. Drink water. Consider taking a snack or stopping for one. If you're tired, dehydrated, and starving at the end, it's no wonder you hate shopping!

9. If you find a basic item you like and fits you well, consider buying it in multiple colors - I'm talking chinos, tees, basic sweaters, that sort of thing.

10. If money isn't a concern, consider buying two pairs of pants at a time. Have one hemmed for flats and the other for heels. Technically, trouser and bootcut pants should never be more than an inch off the floor. The longer your pants, the longer your legs look.

11. If you're open-minded about what you're looking for, do check stores like TJ Maxx, Ross, or Marshall's. I could write a whole blog about the wondrous finds I've discovered behind those doors. If you're hitting several stores, start with one of these first, while your energy's fresh.

12. Take someone with you, if you can. As second opinion (one that doesn't earn a commission) is a happy thing.

Shopping online or from catalogs:

1. Online and catalog shopping is a good idea if you're a special size - tall, petite, or plus, or if you live in an area without a lot of shopping options.

2. I've come to the conclusion that if you're not sure about the size when ordering, order multiple sizes. A lot of websites have item reviews, and will tell you if a garment is running true to size or not. While I hate shelling out extra money just to try things on, I really hate ordering a garment and having it not fit, then paying to ship it back. I figure if you're going to pay for return shipping, you might as well increase your chances of something working for you. A lot of companies will offer free shipping if you order a certain amount - if you're ordering in multiples, you stand a better chance of getting free shipping more often!

3. Even if you've worn a size for forever at a certain store, be aware that things can change. Gap tops are running HUGE these days. I tried on a slew of dresses at J. Crew this last summer and found one size to work for me, ordered a dress in that size, and found it small. I was able to have it let out, but it was a pain.

4. Pay attention to the measurements listed, particularly for length. Everything looks longer on a mannequin.

5. Be realistic when measuring yourself. It's often best to ask someone to help, if you can. Some stores, such as Nordstrom, will tell you how the sizing for that brand runs.

6. Be very, very careful buying final sale items online. There are good deals to be had, but if it doesn't work, you're pretty much stuck with gifting it or selling it on ebay.

7. Watch for in-store sales online. Handy tip.

That's all I've got for now. Check back in later for ideas to make gift shopping easier!

Real live website

That's right. I now officially own hillarymantonlodge.com. Not only that, but we have an (extremely) basic bit o' stuff on it

Basically, it says a bit about the book and sends you to either here or amazon. But considering that the book's not released yet, it works for me.

Danny set it up. Well, I made up the little page in photoshop, but he got it all posted and stuff. My word of advice for unmarried women - marry someone useful. Marry handy. Make sure he can fix something - anything. The more he can fix, the more cost-effective he is.

In other news: I finished the first chapter of Simply Sara. Not only that, but my editor liked it (it's going in the back of Plain Jayne - she doesn't normally read as I go). And not only that, but I've started and made impressive progress on chapter two.

If you're not impressed, remind yourself it's Monday. See? Impressive? I thought so. Mondays are tough days not only because they're the first day of the week, but because there isn't much springboard text yet during chapter writing. You can go back to the previous chapter, sure, but subsequent chapters usually exist in a different timeframe, so you're still kinda starting from scratch. I get a lot more writing done on Thursdays and Fridays because of the momentum. Getting just over a page done on a Monday (granted, a Monday with a single, rather than double chapter goal) is a happy happy thing. And did I mention that I wrote most of it during the day?

(It should also be noted that I'm writing about shopping. I could write a doctoral thesis about shopping.)

"I'll be home for...crap."

I kid you not. During my sister's piano recital (which she RULED, by the way), one sweet little boy stepped up to the piano, played the opening chromatic chords to "I'll be Home for Christmas," but had a little trouble with the beginning lyrics. The above title is a direct quote.

It's Christmas Eve Eve, the equivalent of "Dead Week" for last minute shoppers of the family. For other families that day would be tomorrow, but my family celebrates the Birth of Christ on the evening of the 24th, which moves everything up a bit.

This has been a difficult Christmas season in some respects. I love Christmas, and I love everything that comes with it - the baking, the tree, the lights, the choosing of gifts. I was sick - the first time - when we went out for our tree. It sat undecorated for a while, until I felt better enough to go on a rampage.

I've learned a lot about myself and sickness this month. I've discovered that if I'm sick for a while, the moment I feel a bit better I'll go on a bender. All of a sudden, come hell or high water, I find myself 100% devoted to getting something done. The first time it was the tree, which I decorated myself (Danny was sick by then). In my infinite wisdom, I started the lights at the top and worked my way down. It seemed logical at the time. Now...less so.

Things were equalizing, we were both healthy, until I got sick last week. Again. So when I started coming out of that one, I began wrapping gifts. All the gifts. I blew my nose, then wrapped more.

I take wrapping pretty seriously. There is something deeply, deeply troubling to me if the identity of the gift can be guessed just by looking at it. Starting at a young age, I learned how to ID my gifts. I thumped the front, feeling for a plastic window. I felt around the edges to see if it was a Nordstrom box (they had wide edges at the time). I pressed the paper down to try to see through it. I shook. I rattled. I annoyed my parents with my startling accuracy.

Oh, and I had my patented question: "Is it in its original box?"

Seriously. After that, my parents took the wrapping up a notch. Clothes for my American Girl doll were wrapped inside a standard garmet box...along with a seatbelt clip and some bolts. Christmas has never been the same. What's funny is that I married someone who does not have the same compulsion to examine his gifts. He's happy opening them and being surprised. Can't understand it.

Anyway, I got sick, I felt better, I wrapped. There is one gift I'm particularly proud of in its sneakiness - not only is the item entirely disguised, but I disguised it using a collection of objects I've been trying to get rid of for six months.

Then my Christmas cards arrived from Costco Printing, and I started in on those. Fifty cards. Twenty-four hours. I'm actually quite proud.

My sister's Christmas recital was the night before last. She played "Falling Slowly" from Once, and it was incredible. But as the rest of the 75-minute program progressed, I had some time to think about music. Particularly Christmas music.

Such as...have you ever though about how creepy the song "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" really is? It makes him sound like a KGB operative...he knows everything. Scary. I mean -

"He sees you when you're sleeping,

He knows when you're awake,

He knows if you've been bad or good,

Because he wiretapped your place. Hey!"

(Note: I tried to put in a line about printing seditious pamphlets, but I couldn't get it to fit. "Pamphlets" is a tricky word to rhyme with

Other songs I dislike:

"Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" - Too cute-cutesy. Like the phrase "fro-yo", but worse.

"Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" - I'm not sure how this works, since most people put their trees in corners or against walls. Maybe the line "Rockin' back and forth in front of the Christmas tree" didn't make it past the test group stage. Either way, there's no lyrics with any meaning or cleverness, and even if there were, I'd likely resent it anyway.

"We Wish You a Merry Christmas" - BO-ring melody, and that line about bringing us the figgy pudding has always set me off. I don't know anyone who has ever baked fig pudding, so demanding something so disgusting and likely unattainable is doubly rude.

There's my riff on Christmas music. As far as the rest of life, I need to work on my book today, which I'm officially halfway through. The plot is progressing well, and my character is currently outside of Amish country, which makes my life easier. I've had a copy of Amish Grace sitting around for a month, but I haven't been able to get myself to read it. Having read about everything to do with the Amish, I think I've found my limit.

Ideally, I might bake today. We'll see. But whatever happens, it won't be to the tune of "We Wish you a Merry Christmas," because I'm clean out of figgy pudding.

P.S. Australia review coming soon. In the meantime, go see it.